Plump, cuddly meerkats and a strange little orange man.

I feel as though before we chow down on the sizzling subject matter of this blog post, that I should introduce myself to those of you who do not know me.


My name is Tom and I live in a ghastly lovely place called Dumfries, just north of the border into Scotland.  Although I am not actually Scottish, I've been imprinted into the fabric of society here since '97 and I actually have my own place here which I pay for by working for VisitScotland.   I cannot divulge exactly what I do there but let's just refer to it as 'Ninja Stuff'.
    I'm quite an outgoing sort of chap who enjoys a whole array of joyous activities.  The physically demanding side of my life consists of riding my bike until my behind hurts so much I have to sit on a very soft pillow for about a week, and a regular gym session with some light running and heavy chocolate consuming (afterwards).   I can also be found battling foes in the realm of Xbox Live or sitting in my 'music corner' furtively writing songs that I will probably never share with the world.


Anyway, we're deviating...


So that is, has been and will always be..me.  I'm not the most interesting of guys but I like to think I posess a thin grasp of creativity and sui generis.  I'm an avid photographer and I really appreciate beauty be it in a person or a tree, and if it's beautiful, I will photograph it.


So, on with the show:


Just less than two months ago, I backpacked around Scotland with my good friend Sam and a little fluffy mascot called Simon, who was a meerkat.  During the whole trip, we went without any careful planning and relied on our wits and quick thinking to get us from place to place.
The beauty of the trip was just this, that we didn't have to stick to any kind of plan and we could go wherever we wanted to go.  For example, on the second day we decided to jump on a bus and shoot up to Fort William and make that leg two of our epic journey.


We covered a hell of a lot of ground during the ten day expedition and Inverness and Lewis were just two of the places we managed to see.  The latter destination was my favourite by far, despite feeling very seasick on the ferry journey over.
       I suffer from acute motion sickness, so much that even a single turn on an office swivel chair is enough to make me feel queasy so you can quite imagine tumbling over giant Scottish waves veritably tipped me over the edge.  The reason we travelled to Lewis was because Sam was once himself, one of the islanders.  Though I dislike the term 'Islander', there's something disconcerting about the term which summons a reluctance for me to visit more of the various other interesting rocks off the west coast of Scotland.
 
I forgot to mention, on the ferry journey over whilst I was outside trying to prevent my stomach from exploding, Sam was basking in the warmth of the bar inside the seating cabin, and making friends with a delightfully (but not delightful) orange man called Jonathan...or so he claimed.  Jonathan was invited himself to sit with us and if I hadn't had my sunglasses, I'm very sure my irises would have incinerated with one glance at brightness of his skin.  If I hadn't been feeling so bilious due to the rocking and rolling of the boat, I would definitely have told Jonathan where to go, as it was sorely needed.  Turns out Jonathan owned an array of businesses from pubs and clubs to scuba diving companies and fully-fledged fishing boats in Gran Canaria and  he had many many stories to tell.  My favourite being the time he took the virginity of three lesbian nuns during a quadsome or as he told us on the return journey, the girl on the boat over that he allegedly "got in with" inside the ferry terminal bathroom when in actual fact he probably just had a session with pam (palm...get it?  no?  okay moving on...).
As you can imagine, his tales seemed to get less and less believable with every word that rolled out of the guy's mouth.  But if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have met Sarah who was one of his attempted conquests on the trip back to mainland.  Now I'm not the most confident of fellows and I never really chat up women, especially not whilst I'm sober.  But Jonathan seemed cocksure on his ability to speak to random lassies and his sights settled on the very attractive Sarah (sorry, Sarah, but it had to be said), and he proceeded to ask her to join us.  I wasn't surprised when she said yes because though Jonathan was a massive twunt, he wasn't a bad looking guy.
So Sarah joined us in our little seated alcove at the front of the boat, and I waved, introduced myself and said hello.  I didn't get much of a chance to speak to Sarah during the ferry ride because every time I got her attention a big orange fat hand would snake around her shoulders and Jonny boy would pull her towards him.  I could see the sheer envy in his eyes every time Sarah turned to chat to me, despite the fact I wasn't trying to chat her up as I had a girlfriend at that time.  I was just making friends, but Jonathan clearly viewed me as a threat to his master plan.  Eventually I could see the poor girl was uncomfortable with Jonathan's behaviour and I was starving, so invited her and Sam to grab something to eat from the little shop onboard and then for a wander on the deck where I decided to help her piece together the disgusting sleazy puzzle that was Jonathan.  She seemed to have the same opinion of him as myself, and Sam and I spent the rest of the journey telling Sarah all about the stories Jonathan had shared with us.

Although I enjoyed staying on Lewis and soaking up more history than my brain could cope with, immensely.  I did miss it once I left and I plan to return there in the near future and visit the friends I made whilst there, but this time for a week or more. 

Now, luckily Jonathan had managed to scrounge a lift to Glasgow from some poor couple he met on the boat, so he and I parted ways.  Relieved, I jumped on the coach to Inverness with Sam and Sarah and we had a great chat, had some dinner and a drink when we arrived.  Then sadly we had to part ways as Sarah had to go to her grandparents and Sam and I had to go to Aviemore to finish off our holiday.


All in all, it was a great trip which I enjoyed immensely.  We had many experiences and met so many fascinating people during the trip from a drunken bar patron in Loch Lomond, An angry ginger bus driver in Fort William and my favourite, Sarah.  Although I wont see most of them again, each of them will be in my memories until I grow old and forgetful.
  Sarah and I have become good friends now and talk regularly and have viewing races of a certain American sitcom and we plan to rock out in Glasgow pretty soon.  So something good came out of meeting Mr orange-face sleazy pants, I made a really great friend.